Joint statement of the ministry of envious affairs and purity committee

Joint statement of the ministry of envious affairs and purity committee

Dear members of ISKCON, please look at the above photo, these are the visitors to Hanuman’s website in the last 7 days. 

ISKCON ministry for envious affairs headed by Prahladananda Swami and Purity committee lead by Hridayananda das Goswami release the following statement:

There are too many people visiting Hanuman’s website. Way too many people. Hanuman is threatening to destroy ISKCON as we know it today. After serving Krishna for so many years, sannyasis are trembling in their luxury apartments, that is not fair. Female secretaries of sannyasis have this terrible scared look in their eyes. This has to end.

We want to encourage all ISKCON members not to visit Hanumans’s website. If you do, your future is very dark. By reading articles written by envious people, you will also become envious.

We already banned him from the local temple because he was too straightforward. We are movement dedicated to propagate absolute truth, ordinary truth is not welcome. Because ordinary truth is on the material level.

Indirectly, by visiting his website, you are feeding his ambition. You are inspiring him to write more articles. Besides, you are wasting your precious human form of life. You could be doing more spiritual things, like practicing yoga with butt raising yoginis. That is definitely more fun than visiting envious websites.

Or, you could decorate your wife in such a way that all onlookers are attracted by her when she participates in Indradyumna Swami’s harinam, also called “wife sharing event”.

Everything written by that snake Hanuman das is poison. Many ISKCON devotees are poisoned, all visitors of website are encouraged to report themselves in to their authorities. Only if you surrender and admit you are visiting Hanuman’s website, only then we can help you.

( DISCLAIMER: Everything in this article is joke, except the photo, which really shows the number of visitors in the last 7 days)